ASK A HO

Dear Ask A Ho

How does one become a stripper?  Is it just as easy as knowing how to dance/be sexy?

-Intrigued

Well my inquisitive friend,
What kind of stripper are you looking to be?  A classy stripper at a VIP room gentlemans club?  A private dancer? A bachelor party worker?  A peep show girl?  Because all these things require different things to become employed.  
Most of the places I’ve worked stripping, the major requirement was that you be in possession of 1 (ONE) vagina, and be under 60.  When I first started, I was chubby, awkward, and a terrible dancer.  But after a couple months of dancing 5 days a week I was A. in pretty good shape and B. a damn good dancer.  You watch other dancers, you experiment, you learn from the reactions of the audience.  Most people get good, or they learn to survive through other skills.  
If you are slender, blond/redhead, not tattooed, with sizable breasts - I guarantee you can get hired pretty much anywhere, even two of those four will take you many places.  But getting hired is only the beginning, in the great scheme of things looks aren’t the most important element.  To be a successful stripper you need to have, or to develop a number of qualities.

The first one is a lack of shame/guilt.  You can have the best badass moves and be a barbie doll but if you are ashamed about flashing your gash for cash it’s going to be bad for you.  You wont get a lot of clients, because if they wanted to be around people with body hang ups, they’d probably just stick to their wives/partners.  And the customers you do get will be ASSWIPES.  Save a ho dude brahs, who will give you their number but never any money.  People who will push push push, make you feel guilty for asking for money for sexual favors so you just end up giving them the sexual favors for free.  Those who get off on seeing someone in distress, without respectfully hiring a pro-submissive.  You have to leave it behind, and I understand that everyone feels a bit crappy about their body or ponders on the feminist quandry of consumable bodies.  But if you go into this you have to have a work persona that has none of these concerns.   Believes that their job is in no way demeaning, and will not accept any behaviour which would turn it into being so.

The second one is the hustle.  You have to be engage-able with.  Now, of course there are exceptions to the rule, the untouchable stripper who men grovel at the feet of to put a 20 in her g-string.  But that’s not really my tactic, I try to be ultra friendly.  And this wont get you any cool points from your friends who are just dying to hear how you rip off johns and leave them to die.  But I’ve found that method of working to be not terribly sustainable.  If I hate my clients, then I hate myself for making them have an enjoyable experience, and if they don’t have an enjoyable experience they generally don’t come back.  So, be sweet.  Listen to them talk about their day and what a huge cock they have and about blah blah blah…you’ll be inside your head composing shopping lists and you’ll come out with more cash and have to do much less work.  

The third is to be a good dancer.  Yes, it is important.  Knowing how to move your body to to create the illusion of intimacy, to portray your body in the most flattering way possible, to visually fuck them without touching them.  To be a good dancer you need to make eye contact.  You need to tease, crawl up to them then roll away.  During private dances, make body contact that makes them think they’re special.  Breathe in their ear.  Linger face to face for a couple seconds as if you are about to kiss.  Stare at their crotch and smirk.  And also keep your balance while you stand bent over in 5 inch heels, pulling your ass cheeks apart so they can get a good long look, because that will be the most frequent request you’ll receive.  Yep, honey it’s a classy world, but somebody’s got to do it

Good luck

Ho

dear ho

a friend and i are looking to start a naked housecleaning service. pure voyeurism, no touching outcalls. we’ll be using a buddy security system, having another person come along who will take a cut of the fee. we’re trying to decide on an amount to charge. one person suggested $140/hr, i thought the service could be worth more like $200/hr with $30 out of that to the buddy for each. what do you think is a reasonable amount to charge? we’re having to spend a lot of time filtering email requests, so we’re trying to make it worth that time also.

ho props,
service sub at a price

Dearest SSAP’s
Sorry it’s taken me so long to respond, contrary to the luxurious lives portrayed by borders bargain pile fancy courtesan tell all’s, sometimes a ho has a hectic life. 
I’m going to say something here which may be controversial…I don’t really know how effective or useful bringing along a security person to a one-on-one booking is. I’ve only done it once, when I had a booking where I was going to be tied up and the person I was doing it with was unable to supply me with references.  Are you very small?  Are you going to be incapacitated in your ability to protect yourself in some way?  If not chances are you could hold your own against any bullshit a client pulled out on you, unless of course he was a genuine fucking menace in which case I’m unconvinced that having a friend outside would help that much anyway. 
A.    I’ve never had a client force me to do anything I didn’t consent to.  Sometimes I’ve done things I didn’t like because I felt pressured, but a security person wouldn’t have been able to help in that situation anyway.
B.    There are other ways of creating safer work environments without paying someone to sit outside, looking very obvious, on your clients doorstep or in a car outside their house making them very nervous.  And don’t think that bringing the buddy inside is going to work.  A non-naked extra person is going to make your client feel like he’s about to get robbed.

So ways of looking after your safety when working:
Do a reference check
Ask clients emailing you to provide you with the name, phone number, and internet advertisement of at least one another pro that they’ve had dealings with.  Email this person with the name, email, phone number and any other information your client has given you about themselves, and tell them that you are going to call them to check that they have indeed seen this person and if they were a gentleman, and any other information they would like to bestow on you.  Confidentially of course. Then call them, even if they email you back before then.  Make sure you speak to them on the phone and that they are a real person!
If your clients can’t provide that info, and you are still getting a good vibe off them, ask for their full name, work phone number, and the name of the company he works for.  Call the company, ask to be put through to Ben Bigcock, and see if he picks up/has an answering machine with the same info he provided to you earlier. 
Have a call in buddy
When you get to the booking have them pay you up front.  Golden rule of hooking: ALWAYS ALWAYS GET PAID UP FRONT.  Then in front of them, call a friend – say something like: “Hey, me and Benny Boy Bigcock are at 587 Hardon Ave having a good time.  I’ll call you in an hour!”  Organize with your friend beforehand what to do in certain situations.  If you don’t call back, what you want to happen.  How much time they should allow you for give or take time.  Code words to indicate that all really is well, or that secretly something is wrong.  And be responsible, always call in…and hook this up with someone who WILL check up on you, and has access to the clients information.  This also gives you a clean excuse to wrap up the booking “gee I’d love to keep chatting/dusting/slurping on your cock, but I need to check in with my friend, otherwise they’ll worry!”
So, that is my perspective on security.  When you first sent me this email I thought you were going doing bookings as a team, getting ass out together, buffing those doorposts in sweet naked companionship.  I think that if you are concerned about security, that could be a way to go about it, provide perhaps a sexy element to the cleaning if you were to say you were good, good friends.  And you would also have someone there to get your back. 
In terms of how much you should charge.  You should charge what you feel is worth it for your time and the energy you are putting in.  If 200 is it, then you should definitely not go under that.  And to me it seems like a bargain- a perv and a clean house, what a deal! 
Good luck !
Yours,
Ho