ASK A HO

Dear Ask a Ho,

How do you do a ‘dick check’? What are you looking for?

How do you make it sexy and not clinical?

Sincerely

Stymied in San Francisco

Sweet SISS

A ‘dick check’ is a procedure routinely performed by sex workers in my native country of Australia, where prostitution is legalized, and we can be a lot more upfront in our dealings with johns.  I’ve heard that it’s done in brothels in Nevada as well, but it doesn’t seem to be as common in the states.

In a dick check the sex worker has a client sit down in a well lit area and with a latex glove covered hand examines the genitals (we will assume here that the genitals in question are penis and balls) for sores that look like this:

http://www.famvir.com/info/tools/toolsprivate/resources/photos.jsp

or bumps that look like this:

http://herpes-coldsores.com/std/genital_warts_pictures.htm#Penile%20Genital%20Herpes%20(HPV)%20Pictures

or this:

http://www.herpes-coldsores.com/std/syphilis_pictures.htm

Then you squeeze firmly at the head of the penis with your fingers to see if anything comes out. 

OK –

Clear precum fluid

Not OK –

Greenish white discharge – which is an indication of gonorrhea

Questionable –

Dick cheese, or excessive smegma.  It can be a sign of thrush or infection but usually is just a sign of loose hygiene practices. 

Speaking of which.  Do the dick check before your client takes a shower!  The effectiveness of this procedure will be compromised if they get to bathe away all their sins first!  Showers in general are good health practice though, for you and them. 

Ok.  So how do you make it sexy?  Uh..well, generally I don’t.  I’m not an asshole about it, I work at not being intimidating or suspicious seeming (although I really, really am), but I kind of take this time as a bright and firm “getting to know your penis better” moment before sexy times commence, and can be vaguely nurse Ratched core about it all. 

However you COULD say the following lines while examining their member (whoever says it with the most heartfelt sincerity gets a prize!)

“What a beautiful, precious cock you have. You must be very proud!”

“I just love getting a long, hard look at the cock that’s going to be filling my throat later!”

“Damn, this cock looks just like one that gave me the best orgasm of my life! I was hanging upside down in bat cave when…”

If you don’t feel like you have the opportunity to do a formal check, you can still try and sneak one in before inserting anything in respective orifices.  Start with a hand job, or do a deep, intimate cleansing of their genitals in the shower.  Just try and get a good clear look and squeeze before you stick it in!

I hope this answers your question

Much love and good luck

Ho